The story that has been the talk of the town for the past week has been the dispute between Singapore Por-c Hua (SPH) and the Never-ending Kitty of Funds (NKF).
The main characters of this National Kidney Fiasco are:
T.T. Dulan - Disgruntled by people snooping around his private toilet, he decides to take them to court. Also an afficionado of toilet fittings and gold. Famously known as "the man who never flies first class".
Darth Vinder Singh - The powerful "dark" lord who has sentenced one too many high profile characters to their downfall. A cunning linguist, he withers his victims down slowly till they yield to him.
Prior to the hearing, reporter of the Mingmongster, Ming monster, had an interview with our protagonists...
Ming monster: Hi Mr T.T. Dulan, would you mind if I ask you a few questions?
T.T. Dulan: Sure!
Ming monster: Ok. Firstly, what...
T.T. Dulan: First? No I don't fly first class.
Ming monster: ?!?! Err...ok...what do you think of your chances in winning this case?
T.T. Dulan: I am very confident of winning. I have a first class lawyer to help me with this. Opps. Wait. I didn't say first class did I? I never fly first class.
Ming monster: What about the gold plated tap? What do you have to say about that?
T.T. Dulan: Firstly, it was within the guidelines set by the Board. Secondly...wait. I didn't say first did I? I never fly first class.
Ming monster: Err...okayy. I guess we should stop here. Thank you very much Mr Dulan.
T.T. Dulan: Not a problem. If you need me, just call me at 1900-112-6868. Anytime. If you hear an operator, it means I'm not in, but just keep calling till I pick up the phone. *wink*
Ming monster: Ok. Thanks. Oh, by the way, too bad you don't fly first class. The service is really good and the flight attendents, whoa, they're usually the young and hot ones!
T.T. Dulan: Oh yes yes! I totally agree! The service is simply impeccable. And, I usually drink wine like nobody's business. But one thing I feel airlines should improve in the first class area is their toilets. I mean, we deserve better toilets. Maybe a gold plated sink or something.
Ming monster: Oh...but I thought you never fly first class?
T.T. Dulan: (turns to his lawyer) He knows too much. I want him in c0urt too.
*
Ming monster: Mr Singh, would you spare me a few moments of your time?
Darth Vinder: Sure!
Ming monster: What do you think of your chances against Mr T.T. Dulan?
Darth Vinder: T.T.? No, sorry I don't drive the Audi TT.
Ming monster: No, I said what do you think of your chances against Mr Dulan?
Darth Vinder: *adjusts his helmet* Oh, I'm sorry. Sometimes I tie my helmet too low that it covers my ears. Yes, about the case, I have confidence in breaking Mr Dulan just like I have with all my other victims, such as Mr Cheep Soon Kuay.
Ming monster: Do you have a different approach to this case?
Darth Vinder: Nope. Same as always, I will use my famous TTTTTT tactic.
Ming monster: TTTTTT?
Darth Vinder: Haven't you watch Toyko Raiders before? They introduced a drug called TTTTT: Till They Tell The Truth. But I went one T further. I don't use drugs (otherwise I will get hanged), I just Talk Till They Tell The Truth.
Ming monster: Wasn't that a chinese/cantonese movie?
Darth Vinder: Eh why? Singh cannot understand chinese isit? Even Gurmit Singh can speak chinese. *Makes heavy breathing noise*
Ming monster: Oh no no, I didn't mean that. Well, all the best to you Mr Singh.
Darth Vinder: Thank you.
*
The trial was a heated affair. Both Dulan and Darth Vinder engaging each other with their oral skills. Darth Vinder was in the driver's seat, taking the more active role, trying to penetrate Dulan's defences. Dulan tried to respond to each and every move Darth Vinder had but Darth Vinder was always on top of him, lapping up everything that came out of Dulan's mouth and shooting more attacks back at him. Darth Vinder got more aggressive and thrusted more at Dulan. The trial reached a climax when Dulan finally came...to his senses and slumped back into his chair, spent. Dulan was visibly worn out by the oral prowess of Darth Vinder. He then decided he could not meet Darth Vinder's request for more...answers, and so he relented and decided to come clean.
*
Revelations of Dulan's remuneration package shocked the people. Let's examine the public sentiment with regards to this earth-moving piece of news...
Ming monster: *walks over to the nearby kopitiam* Err...Uncle ah, can I ask you a question regarding the NKF issue?
Uncle: *puts down his mug of beer* Cannnn...no problem. *hic*
Ming monster: What do you think about the salary the Mr Dulan is receiving?
Uncle: *takes another sip of his beer, looking dissatisfied* Umm... Peanuts.
Ming monster: !?!? Peanuts?
Uncle: Ya, I need more peanuts to eat, can help me take?
Ming monster: *deadpans*
*
The trial has since ended with Darth Vinder victorious once again and the NKF waving the white flag and retreating. But questions still remain in the minds of the people, many of whom feel cheated and misled into donating to a worthy cause.
The NKF, does it really Need King-like Facilities in its toilets? Was our sympathy and empathy for the needy a fallacy that caused us to Naively Keep Funding the NKF's call for donations? Or was it those National Kindness Facades that they show on television that cajole us to pick up the phones to dial that all too familiar number (which even a person who never donated (eg. me) would know that number by heart)? Among those who railed against the "Non-profit-making Kidney Foundation, it would probably be the poor who feel the most injustice. A man who earned $1000 a month could have donated $50 to the Never-ending Kitty of Funds, only to find that the good people over there have Nipped Kidney Funds for their personal benefit. As a result, the donations from the public will fall and penalise the kidney patients. These patients now need a new NKF, they Need Kind Forbearance from the public to continue donating to their cause. However, with no more trust in the organisation, not all donors would be able to bear such cognitive dissonance. Fortunately, the Never-ending Kitty of Funds seems to be enough for more than a decade as revealed, and it is unlikely that the fall in donations will be a short-term problem.
Personally, I still prefer to see who my money goes to. I say, why not help the needy who do not have the fortune of having media publicity to help garner donations. For example, that blind man selling tissue in hawker centres or that old lady collecting cans from rubbish bins. In contrast, the blind man singing in the Orchard underpass is probably getting enough money from passerbys over the years. The old man selling towels in Chinatown with 2 retarded kids also had some media coverage to improve his income. Thus, I prefer to divert my donations to those who get less of the pie.
*
After the stepping down of the Board and the CEO, the staff of the NKF cried. One would wonder why they responded in a way that was so different from that of the public. The Ming monster decided to investigate this phenomena...
Ming monster: Excuse me auntie, why you so sad ah? Everyone asking for them to step down but you and your colleagues seem to want them to stay.
Auntie 1: *sobs* Aiyah, boss go already, no more nice toilet to use la!
*
Ming monster: Excuse me auntie, you in-charge of cleaning toilet right? Why you also so sad ah? Now no boss to make you shine his toilet bowl already you should be happy what.
Auntie 2: *Wails* Aiyah, I still haven't finish scrapping off all the gold from his tap la!
*
DISCLAIMER
Characters in this post are all fictional. Any similarities or resemblances to real-life people or names are intentional, but with no defamatory, calumnious, nor pejorative intent. Readers should read at their own discretion and should bear in mind that the content was written purely for entertainment and humour, and real-life people bearing any semblance to these fictional characters should be held in a good light.
*
Ok, just had to be sure I included that in case I become the next talk of the town with a visit to court.
The story that has been the talk of the town for the past week has been the dispute between Singapore Por-c Hua (SPH) and the Never-ending Kitty of Funds (NKF).
The main characters of this National Kidney Fiasco are:
T.T. Dulan - Disgruntled by people snooping around his private toilet, he decides to take them to court. Also an afficionado of toilet fittings and gold. Famously known as "the man who never flies first class".
Darth Vinder Singh - The powerful "dark" lord who has sentenced one too many high profile characters to their downfall. A cunning linguist, he withers his victims down slowly till they yield to him.
Prior to the hearing, reporter of the Mingmongster, Ming monster, had an interview with our protagonists...
Ming monster: Hi Mr T.T. Dulan, would you mind if I ask you a few questions?
T.T. Dulan: Sure!
Ming monster: Ok. Firstly, what...
T.T. Dulan: First? No I don't fly first class.
Ming monster: ?!?! Err...ok...what do you think of your chances in winning this case?
T.T. Dulan: I am very confident of winning. I have a first class lawyer to help me with this. Opps. Wait. I didn't say first class did I? I never fly first class.
Ming monster: What about the gold plated tap? What do you have to say about that?
T.T. Dulan: Firstly, it was within the guidelines set by the Board. Secondly...wait. I didn't say first did I? I never fly first class.
Ming monster: Err...okayy. I guess we should stop here. Thank you very much Mr Dulan.
T.T. Dulan: Not a problem. If you need me, just call me at 1900-112-6868. Anytime. If you hear an operator, it means I'm not in, but just keep calling till I pick up the phone. *wink*
Ming monster: Ok. Thanks. Oh, by the way, too bad you don't fly first class. The service is really good and the flight attendents, whoa, they're usually the young and hot ones!
T.T. Dulan: Oh yes yes! I totally agree! The service is simply impeccable. And, I usually drink wine like nobody's business. But one thing I feel airlines should improve in the first class area is their toilets. I mean, we deserve better toilets. Maybe a gold plated sink or something.
Ming monster: Oh...but I thought you never fly first class?
T.T. Dulan: (turns to his lawyer) He knows too much. I want him in c0urt too.
*
Ming monster: Mr Singh, would you spare me a few moments of your time?
Darth Vinder: Sure!
Ming monster: What do you think of your chances against Mr T.T. Dulan?
Darth Vinder: T.T.? No, sorry I don't drive the Audi TT.
Ming monster: No, I said what do you think of your chances against Mr Dulan?
Darth Vinder: *adjusts his helmet* Oh, I'm sorry. Sometimes I tie my helmet too low that it covers my ears. Yes, about the case, I have confidence in breaking Mr Dulan just like I have with all my other victims, such as Mr Cheep Soon Kuay.
Ming monster: Do you have a different approach to this case?
Darth Vinder: Nope. Same as always, I will use my famous TTTTTT tactic.
Ming monster: TTTTTT?
Darth Vinder: Haven't you watch Toyko Raiders before? They introduced a drug called TTTTT: Till They Tell The Truth. But I went one T further. I don't use drugs (otherwise I will get hanged), I just Talk Till They Tell The Truth.
Ming monster: Wasn't that a chinese/cantonese movie?
Darth Vinder: Eh why? Singh cannot understand chinese isit? Even Gurmit Singh can speak chinese. *Makes heavy breathing noise*
Ming monster: Oh no no, I didn't mean that. Well, all the best to you Mr Singh.
Darth Vinder: Thank you.
*
The trial was a heated affair. Both Dulan and Darth Vinder engaging each other with their oral skills. Darth Vinder was in the driver's seat, taking the more active role, trying to penetrate Dulan's defences. Dulan tried to respond to each and every move Darth Vinder had but Darth Vinder was always on top of him, lapping up everything that came out of Dulan's mouth and shooting more attacks back at him. Darth Vinder got more aggressive and thrusted more at Dulan. The trial reached a climax when Dulan finally came...to his senses and slumped back into his chair, spent. Dulan was visibly worn out by the oral prowess of Darth Vinder. He then decided he could not meet Darth Vinder's request for more...answers, and so he relented and decided to come clean.
*
Revelations of Dulan's remuneration package shocked the people. Let's examine the public sentiment with regards to this earth-moving piece of news...
Ming monster: *walks over to the nearby kopitiam* Err...Uncle ah, can I ask you a question regarding the NKF issue?
Uncle: *puts down his mug of beer* Cannnn...no problem. *hic*
Ming monster: What do you think about the salary the Mr Dulan is receiving?
Uncle: *takes another sip of his beer, looking dissatisfied* Umm... Peanuts.
Ming monster: !?!? Peanuts?
Uncle: Ya, I need more peanuts to eat, can help me take?
Ming monster: *deadpans*
*
The trial has since ended with Darth Vinder victorious once again and the NKF waving the white flag and retreating. But questions still remain in the minds of the people, many of whom feel cheated and misled into donating to a worthy cause.
The NKF, does it really Need King-like Facilities in its toilets? Was our sympathy and empathy for the needy a fallacy that caused us to Naively Keep Funding the NKF's call for donations? Or was it those National Kindness Facades that they show on television that cajole us to pick up the phones to dial that all too familiar number (which even a person who never donated (eg. me) would know that number by heart)? Among those who railed against the "Non-profit-making Kidney Foundation, it would probably be the poor who feel the most injustice. A man who earned $1000 a month could have donated $50 to the Never-ending Kitty of Funds, only to find that the good people over there have Nipped Kidney Funds for their personal benefit. As a result, the donations from the public will fall and penalise the kidney patients. These patients now need a new NKF, they Need Kind Forbearance from the public to continue donating to their cause. However, with no more trust in the organisation, not all donors would be able to bear such cognitive dissonance. Fortunately, the Never-ending Kitty of Funds seems to be enough for more than a decade as revealed, and it is unlikely that the fall in donations will be a short-term problem.
Personally, I still prefer to see who my money goes to. I say, why not help the needy who do not have the fortune of having media publicity to help garner donations. For example, that blind man selling tissue in hawker centres or that old lady collecting cans from rubbish bins. In contrast, the blind man singing in the Orchard underpass is probably getting enough money from passerbys over the years. The old man selling towels in Chinatown with 2 retarded kids also had some media coverage to improve his income. Thus, I prefer to divert my donations to those who get less of the pie.
*
After the stepping down of the Board and the CEO, the staff of the NKF cried. One would wonder why they responded in a way that was so different from that of the public. The Ming monster decided to investigate this phenomena...
Ming monster: Excuse me auntie, why you so sad ah? Everyone asking for them to step down but you and your colleagues seem to want them to stay.
Auntie 1: *sobs* Aiyah, boss go already, no more nice toilet to use la!
*
Ming monster: Excuse me auntie, you in-charge of cleaning toilet right? Why you also so sad ah? Now no boss to make you shine his toilet bowl already you should be happy what.
Auntie 2: *Wails* Aiyah, I still haven't finish scrapping off all the gold from his tap la!
*
DISCLAIMER
Characters in this post are all fictional. Any similarities or resemblances to real-life people or names are intentional, but with no defamatory, calumnious, nor pejorative intent. Readers should read at their own discretion and should bear in mind that the content was written purely for entertainment and humour, and real-life people bearing any semblance to these fictional characters should be held in a good light.
*
Ok, just had to be sure I included that in case I become the next talk of the town with a visit to court.
