Saturday, October 08, 2005
Over the last 2 years, blogging has evolved from an online diary to a fad/craze/in thing. In addition, blogging went one step further by offering people a fast track to becoming a celebrity. For example, Miss Xiaxue, Singapore's very first celebrity blogger seems to be getting sponsorship deals, media-related jobs/invites to parties, and has transformed her into a somewhat celebrity of her own.
What exactly makes these people so famous? What is it about their blogs that attract hordes of readers such their daily hits far exceeds the monthly hits of a normal blog like the Mingmongster?
Well, I have gone through some of these famous blogs and I think I know why my blog is not as popular.
These are the factors that contribute to a famous blog and you shall see why the Mingmongster is not celebrity blog material.....
Rule #1 : Post lots of pictures, and master the Photoshopping Skill.
If you take a look at Xiaxue, you will find a multitude of pictures. Approximately half of her entries are littered with pictures. Most of which are naturally of herself. Narcissitic you might say? Maybe. But it allows readers to know who the protagonist actually is. However, it is useless to just put up pictures of yourself because a whole lot of people do that too. So what would distinguish yourself and enhance your pictures (and possibly your face) is to be an expert in Photoshop.
This poses another question. If you are an expert at Photoshop, your pictures might not be a true reflection of yourself, which contradicts the point about how readers like to know who the writer is.
Aha! Now this is the tricky part. Now your readers will start wondering (for example), if Xiaxue as hot as she looks on her blog? Or...Are Xiaxue's boobs as big as they look on her blog? This would certainly cause readers to make return visits to your blog in hope of satisfying their curiosity by waiting for you to post a real, unedited picture of yourself.
Then this poses another question. What happens then if you post a real unedited picture of yourself? Wouldn't your readers finally satisfy their curiosity and stop coming back to your blog? Now comes the ultimate secret to keeping your readers forever: Post some edited, ugly pictures of yourself! How would this help you might ask? Well, firstly, your readers would see a hideously ugly picture of yourself, but they know you have edited it with your exemptional Photoshop skills. Then one fine day when you decide to post a real, unedited picture of yourself, your readers would not be able to identify whether that is an unedited picture or not. They might probably think (for example), "Oh, its another one of those edited to be ugly picture of Xiaxue again. Boy this time its really Fugly. Man, she's good with Photoshop!" when in actual fact its her real picture. So this goes on and on, and readers will keep coming back to your blog.
But then again, there is a flaw to this tactic. You must not be seen in public. However, Xiaxue has masterfully provided an answer to this loophole. In her recent 24 Sept post "My make up secrets revealed", we discover that she has mastered the penultimate level of the Photoshopping Skill: Make Up. This allows her to Photoshop her real face so that even when she goes out, her readers will still be mystified by her looks and still not know how she looks au naturel.
If one day she learns Sun Wu Kong's 七十而变化 （don't know why the chinese characters don't seem to come out properly but this is qi1 shi2 er4 bian4 hua4), then she can 称霸武陵 (cheng1 ba4 wu3 ling2).
Well, I think I have posted a substantial amount of photos since I started blogging, but then, I have failed to master even Level 1 of the Photoshopping Skill. But then, I have always posted real pictures of myself. People get bored looking at it after a while. Therefore, I shall model my blog after the genius Xiaxue and edit my pictures too!
Although I cannot get Xiaxue the Photoshop 神 (shen) to be my 师父 (shi fu), but I shall not be disheartened...because I once heard a saying...by a chubby dude...who can't drive for nuts...
"其实神也是人。但他做了一些人做不到的事，才会称为神。“
(qi shi shen ye shi ren. dan shi ta zhuo le yi xie ren zhuo bu dao de shi, cai hui cheng wei shen)
Thus, I decided I could also learn her skills myself too! I figured, maybe with some makeup on, I could probably get that aura of mystery too...
Wonder if this will work....
Rule #2: Look irresistably hot/pretty/sexy/gorgeous
Another famous blog that I have come across would be that of Daphne Teo. She also has loads of pictures on her blog, but they are not photoshopped at all. How come this works for her? Well, the answer is obvious...she's too good looking to need any editing. Readers (guys who fantasize about her, and girls who just admire her) will keep coming back to check out her latest pics.
Even Xiaxue has hot pics of herself too! (Sorry XX, ripped w/o permission)
This guess proves why my blog isn't such a hit.
But then...I guess I can't improve on this aspect much since you have to be born with it...can't really expect popularity to come with pictures like this....
But then, I have to try...
I am comforted by the story of the ugly duckling...and the frog prince...and those movies where an ugly girl eventually becomes the prom queen...and Extreme makeover...
I can be hot too!!!!!
(thanks to a highly skilled photoshopper: my sis...I can also be hot!)
Rule #3: Show off your pretty clothes and shoes and bags etc etc
In addition to her beauty, Daphne's wealth helps in the popularity too. Girls probably just dig her clothes, accessories, bags, shoes, blah blah blah. She regularly goes shopping and displays her new buys on her blog...definitely to the envy of those who don't have such a deep pocket..
Unfortunately for me, I have no fashion tips to offer nor pretty clothes to share with everyone...
I prefer dress more casually...
Rule #4: Be as vulgar as possible.
Currently, my favourite read is Rockson's blog. This dude if bloody funny. And bloody vulgar. I figured that it was the way he writes that makes his entries so entertaining. The distinguishing factor about his writing style is his offensively vulgar critiques. However, if you were to read carefully, you would realise that it is actually some really intelligent banter and political satire, barring the profanities of every different dialect found after every 5 words on average and leaving no part of the human anatomy unmentioned.
This made me wonder...if I were to add in such profane expletives into my posts, would it also get me more readers?
Just compare the following...
Rockson wrote (lifted from his latest post):
"He also very excited when he call me. He said gahmen going to pump $160 million to make his Aljunied (he live in Simei) become more solid. I say him he is like pregnant woman who forget how pain the baby last time make her cheebye, and now want to seh baby again.
Everytime got election, gahmen like to give us many goodie, like neh neh for us to suck. Singapore share (is like Indon gahmen give rupiah to the village to vote them), upgrading the flat (because last time they too ngeow never install the lift), plus promise this and promise that. Hope that people smell the cheebye already will forget the bad thing in the last four year.
More Simi Lan Cheow Good Year."
If I were to write something like that...it would probably turn out something like this...
Mingmong wrote:
"He sounded exhilarated when he called me. He said that the government has decided to invest $160 million to upgrade Aljunied (but I could not comprehend why he was in such an ecstatic mood because he lives in Simei). I kindly reminded him of the old saying 'once bitten, twice shy' as I felt that he should not forget what happened in the past and fall into the same trap again.
Each time there is an election, the government would offer us many perquisites. For example, the Singapore shares (some would argue it is similar to the way the Indonesian government paid villagers to vote for them), HDB upgrading (which was delayed due to insufficient funds), and many other promises. All these in hope that people would recognise the incumbent government's competence and vote them in again.
The best is yet to come."
Now, I believe everyone would have fallen asleep reading the 2nd passage. Whereas Rockson keeps you constantly entertained, or keeps you constantly cringing with every penis he mentions.
Therefore, I think its time I changed the way I write!
But, I wouldn't want to copy Rockson's dialect-styled writings. I shall have mine in English only, which would draw more readers since I would cater to readers from abroad also who do not understand our Singlish.
Fuck.
I can't do it. I can't bring myself to publish a paragraph of obscenities.
Sigh...
What's that you say?
Why? You think I am a pussy?
Penis understand!
Ok...that's too much for me..
I think I shall just remain as the simple ole Mingmong...
Don't yearn to be a famous blogger. Just in case I end up famous on the newspapers and join the other 2 in jail tomorrow.
I guess I should just be original and not try to copy what the successful bloggers have done and model my blog after them, nor my pictures.......
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Been having late nights at work for the past few days. Shack. But glad that the busy days are over for now. Anyway, here's a follow up on the previous post. I know this is a lazy way of blogging since this is just cut and paste, but all my brain juice is used up by the time I get home. Oh well, for now you will have to make do with this, till I settle in properly at work and have more time to think about the out of point things I used to think about in the past.
sengchen chu
Dear Goh Yit Shyt,
Greetings to you,I received all your updates and now I am very certain that you are ready to give the required assistance and execute this business with me. I apologize for this late response as I was attending a Summit in Beijing with insufficient time for sensitive matter as I do not want any mistakes in this business. hope this will turn out be a long and lasting bussiness relationship together.This transaction is 100% safe and legal as you'll get to see as we go along, all procedures leading to the transfer of the funds to your local account or through our correspondent bank has to be secured with strict adherence to statutory provision of the law. As soon as the machinery to commence is set in motion, all the proof and copies of the documentation shall be sent to you in the course of the transaction and as at when due.
Due to the very sensitive nature of this pending transaction, please bear with me if I am being a little vague at this early stage as I am as skeptical as you are with communicating with a total stranger, but please be rest assured that the funds will be backed up with documents stating the origin of the fund and that it being funds for an inheritance going by the documents that will be secured, you will not have anything to worry about. It is a given thing that trusts is earned, it is not given out lightly, however, because of my dire need for a foreign partner in this transaction, I request your assistance to pose/ stand as the next of kin to the beneficiary of the estate of the deceased and all that is contained in the Will as shall be drafted and prepared by a notary public attroney. The WILL and other supporting legal documents shall establish you legally as the next of kin and sole beneficiary and executor of the estate and WILL of the deceased.
For this, I urge you to propose a reasonble percentage of the total funds as your share and as an _expression of my gratitude for your assistance and partnership, thus encouraging you to guaranty that my share of the funds will be secured and transferred to me as when required. I shall require some information and a brief profile of yourself and upon receipt of the information, I shall immediately begin the processes which will lead to the approval and release of the funds to you as the bonafide executor and next of kin of the depositor going by the documents that will be secured. After all the necessary documentation for the funds release are met and satisfied, an approval shall be given by the legal department of my bank for the eventual release of the funds to your nominated local account, or via our accredited correspondent bank. When the funds gets to the correspondent bank and into a account with the bank that you shall be required to open, you can transfer the money to your local account or any other account at your convinience and transfer a certain percentage of my share of the funds to me through an account that I shall give to you at that time. Please note also that the funds can be transferred to your local account if we meet the requirement for the direct transfer. I shall equally require your assistance in advising me on good investment opportunities in your country as I might invest the remaining part of my share of the funds in your country for the obvious security reason that might be breached if we come to back to my country with my share of the funds.
It is my hope that the funds can be transferred into your account within ten (10) banking days from the date you provide me with the information that I need to prepare the documents, but for now, I need to ascertain your ability to control and safe guard a large sum of money and guarantee that I shall get my share of the funds from you as soon as you receive the money in your account, I need to following from you:
Your full name and address;
Your confidential telephone and fax numbers:
A brief profile of yourself:
I might be able to contact you via telephone and once I clarify your willingness and ability to proceed with the transaction, I shall immediately give more insight as to what is expected of you for this transaction to come true. You may send me an e-mail with further information about yourself so that I can provide you with the rest details for us to proceed further. Should you decide not to render this assistance, it will be taken in good faith as this will enable me source for another person in the event of non-interest on your part.
I will not be able to send you my pass port ok as am not comfortable with this ok,because i still dont know who you are and this is a very huge amount of funds,so am always very carefull letting out the confidentiality of this transaction,but you can give me a telephone call on my confidential number as it was gotten forb this transaction alone for top most cnfidentiality. +88 21621527285
Kind regards,
Mr. Chu Sengchen
CHINA
Ps: I am a parent with 4 children and a wife, I cannot do anything that will keep me away from them so berest assured. All you need to know as regards my bankand other detailed information shall be brought toyour attention during the course of this transaction. Yea yea, try telling that to a real business partner. Having 4 kids and a wife my ass. Although the 1 child policy is gone, isn't there still a restriction on the family size?
Dear Mr Chu Sengchen
I understand your position with regards to security of information. However, being vague is not helping me in making a decision. I have understood your proposal with regards to this transaction and the further investment of your share of the funds in my country, but I still have my reservations with regards to the security of my personal information.
I would request that you can provide me with some form of collateral as assurance so as to reduce any risk of my personal information falling into the wrong hands. I can provide you with the following information as such:
Name: Goh Yit Shyt
D.O.B. : 29 Feb 1973
Country of residence: Malaysia
State: Si mi lan jau (this is a real place!)
I am currently working in an investment bank as the Vice-President of the Mountebanking Division. I have 10 years of working experience in the finance sector and you can be assured that I can help direct your funds to the areas which will reap the largest return.
As you are also working in a bank, I am sure you are familiar with the credit policies of a bank, which includes running a background check on the creditor or counterparty to ensure that he does not default on his payments. Therefore, I hope that you would be most understanding in my requests for a more detailed profile of you as well.
Also, I would like to inform you that I have roped in a friend of mine as my business partner in this deal. His personal information is as such:
Name: Yew Pang Tsai (the T in Tsai is silent)
Occupation: CEO of Major Sanitary Business Provider
Unfortunately, I am unable to provide you with a secure bank account number at the moment as I am still in the process of applying for a Swiss bank account to allow you to deposit the funds into. Do allow a few business days for the application to be processed by the Swiss bank.
I will forward my bank account number to you as soon as it is ready. In the meantime, I hope you would furnish me with more information about yourself and also a picture of yourself.
Sincerely,
Goh Yit Shyt (pronounced "Go-Eat-Shit")
sengchen chu
Dear Ming,
Greetings to you,I want to apologise for the delay in my response to you,I was assigne to an official asignement in bergjin with now privacy time to get back to you,anyway I nhave just gone through your correspondences and I want you to know that your informations is not enough to get this transaction started,this is legal documentataions that will be drafted by the accrdited attornys,this legal documenetaions cannot be contested afterwards,so any wrong informations you send down will jeopardise this transaction as a very huge amount of funds is going to be incured for the services of the attorney.
I have surcided in letting out alot of vital informations to you which am not comfortable about as I have still not confirmed your willingness to assit with this transaction,the attorneys has since being on stand by and nothing has being done till now,please I want you to know the urgency of this transaction and also please confirm your full willingness to assist and lets get started by providing your full name and address,this will be started in the WILL ok so its very important you supply the correct address. (all right, I will give u my full name and correct address...)
I have nothing to get from you ok rather am bringing joy to you and your family as am a family man myself and I dont want to do anythong to hurt another be rest assured. (he seems to love ending his emails with this family shit)
I wait to get informations from you and lets get started.
Thanks Partner
Mr Chu Sengchen
Dear Mr Chu,
This is the information you have requested.
Name: Goh Yit Shyt
Address: 369 Upyerass (pronounced "Up-Yer-Ass") St, Suite 4, 554845 New York State, USA
I hope you can now also similarly provide me with your personal details.
Sincerely,
Goh Yit Shyt
sengchen chu
Attention: , Goh Yit Shyt,
* This information is very confidential. It is for you only *
Now I am certain that you are willing to give the required assistance and I must maintain that we shall succeed as we are about to commence this deal,I was a little hill so this is couse of my delay to you anyway, Let me reiterate here that I seek an assistance from you that will benefit us immersely. I beleive in the principle of look before you leap, that is why I am sending you more information to enable you have an indepth and total understanding of this transaction before we commence. If after reading this detail you deem it fit to render the desired assistance, then give me a call so we can proceed, if your response is in the negative, please do well to inform me via email and destory all the communication we have shared.
I feel safer to divulge some vital information about this transaction to you at this time as I have done above by giving you my data and to bring you into the full picture of this deal with your apparent understanding of the need for utmost confidentiality and secrecy about every detail of this transaction till such a time when it is safe to do otherwise.
What must be done:
I have already take the information you have provided to the Attorney who will prepare the necessary documents and affidavits which will put you in place as the next of kin. The attorney will draft a Will which will name you as the beneficiary/sole executor of the Will. This WILL will be backdated to purport that it had been written and signed by the depositor himself. The attorney will file in the High court with an appropriate affidavit in order to empowering you as the next of kin/Sole Beneficiary and Trustee/Sole Executor of the Estate of depositor which includes the sum of US$30M lying in the account number which I shall give you. All these processes will be accomplished within 7 working days and money will be transferred to your account immediately. The very good thing about this transaction is that it will be done in a very proper and legal manner.
Upon preparation of these documents and approvals from the relevant authorities, then our correspondence bank in Europe/Canada will now transfer the money to your nominated account. The attorney will handle all the processes of obtaining the approvals on your behalf and therefore I ask that you be very certain of the bank information you have provided. On completion of this transaction, you will be required to hold this fund in your account until I come over to your country for the sharing of the money.
There is no risk at all as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the Attorney and my position as the Branch Manager guarantees the successful execution of this transaction. Please observe utmost confidentiality, and be rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us. I hope this will be an enduring partnership, because I will need your help to do a research into viable and feasible investment options for me; because I shall require your assistance to invest my share in your country as any attempt for me to invest my share of the money in my country will only trigger off attention to me and a chain of investigation will ensue.
It is of utmost importance that you communicate only with the provided telephone and fax numbers, So please call me on my telephone number to acknowlegde the receipt of this e mail so we can discuss to smoothen out entangle issues that you do not understand.
Please note that you did not include you confidential telephone number,as this is very imprtant,I need to speak to you on the telephone fo better discussion and aquintances.
(what happened to all the family shit???)
I await your call/response while anticipating your full co-operation.
Partner
Mr Chu Sengchen
Dear Mr Chu,
This is my office telephone number:
(65) 999-7356-244 (if you observe carefully, if he calls this number, he will reach our friendly neighbourhood policeman)
However, I often fly out of the country for business trips and you might not be able to get me in the office. If you can't reach me, please leave a message with the operator. Tell her your name and I will get back to you as soon as I can.
Once again, you have ignored my request for your personal details. You claim to be a Bank Manager and you have an attorney, but I need proof. I also need proof that you are who you say you are. Therefore, I would really appreciate it if you could provide me with some form of evidence that the person I am conversing with actually exists. Ideally, a copy of your passport would be sufficient.
I hope you would not ignore my request again because I have fulfilled my side of the deal by providing you with my personal information, but you have failed to do so. Verbal guarantees alone would not be sufficient.
Regards,
Goh Yit Shyt
Cc: Yew Pang Tsai.
Alrites...that's the latest email he sent me today. Almost time for bed....working life si bey sian..
These are the 10 easy steps to being a working professional.
1) Sleep,
2) wake up,
3) go work,
4) eat lucnh,
5) work,
6) eat dinner late,
7) go home,
8) wash up,
9) repeat step 1
Optional: 10) take care of dog.
If step 10 is applicable, please add "early" to the end of step 2, add "the dog" to end of step 8, and add "late" to the end of step 1.
Saturday, September 03, 2005
A week ago, I received an email from a Mr Chu Sengchen. I opened the email, and I found that it was one of those email scams that has been going around for a long time. I used to ignore them, but this time, I decided to have some fun....
Here's what the dude had to say....
MR CHU SENGCHEN
Dear friend,
I am Mr. Chu Sengchen , Branch Manager. I have urgent and very confidential business proposition for you.
On November 6, 1999, a British Oil consultant/contractor with the Chinese Solid Minerals Corporation, Made a numbered time (Fixed) Deposit for twelve calendar months, valued at US$30,000,000.00 (Thirty Million Dollars) in my branch. Upon maturity, I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply.
After a month, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his contract employers, the Chinese Solid Minerals Corporation that he died from an automobile accident. On further investigation, I found out that he died without making a WILL, and all attempts to trace his next of kin was fruitless.
I therefore made further investigation and discovered that he did not declare any kin or relations in all his official documents, including his Bank Deposit paperwork in my Bank. This sum of US$30,000,000.00 is still sitting in my Bank and the interest is being rolled over with the principal sum at the end of each year.
No one will ever come forward to claim it. According to Laws of Republic of China, at the expiration of 6 (six) years, the money will revert to the ownership of the Chinese Government if nobody applies to claim the fund.
Consequently, my proposal is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand in as the next of kin to the man so that the fruits of this old man's labor will not get into the hands of some corrupt government officials. This is simple, I will like you to provide immediately your full names and address so that the attorney will prepare the necessary documents and affidavits that will put you in place as the next of kin.
We shall employ the services of an attorney for drafting and authorization of the WILL and to obtain the necessary documents and letter of probate/administration in your favor for the transfer. A bank account in any part of the world that you will provide will then facilitate the transfer of this money to you as the beneficiary/next of kin. The money will be paid into your account for us to share in the ratio of 80% for me and 20% for you.
There is no risk at all as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the attorney and my position as the Branch Manager guarantees the successful execution of this transaction. If you are interested, please reply immediately via the private email address above.
Upon your response, I shall then provide you with more details and relevant documents that will help you understand the transaction. Please send me your confidential telephone and fax numbers for easy communication.Please observe utmost confidentiality, and rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance to invest my share in your country.
Thanks and regards.
Mr. Chu Sengchen
I figured that since most people already know about such scams, this Mr Chu must be feeling really bored cos he is not receiving any replies. So I decided to entertain him...
Date: Sat, 27 Aug 2005 18:58:45 +0800 (CST)
From: "XXXXX"
Subject: Re: Business proposal
To: c_seng2@yahoo.com.cn
Dear Mr Chu,
My friend who received this email from you has informed me of your proposal.
I am very interested in your business proposition. I have recently finalised a similar deal with a Nigerian businessman and earned a hefty US$10,000,000.
However, before I provide you with my private information, I would like to ensure the integrity of this email and the authencity of your identity.
Please provide me a direct telephone number which we can use to converse and also a photograph of yourself with your passport and company logo in the background.
I hope you understand my concerns before engaging you in this deal. Being a banker yourself, you would know credit risk procedures that need to be performed before entering into deal, especially one that involves a large amount of cash.
Therefore, I hope you have been sincere in your proposal, and I look forward to your most favourable reply together with the contact number and photograph I requested.
Sincerely,
Goh Yit Shyt
Vice-President
Mountebanking Division
JP Longan Chase & Co.
I figured that there would only be 2 possible outcomes to my reply...
1) Mr Chu has a good command on English (which seems evident from his email), and he will realise that I am giving him a load of shit.
2) Mr Chu is a dumbass fraudster and he is going to get conned by Mingmong the mountebanker.
Tune in for more developments to this story of fraudster vs fraudster.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
A huge snake came into my house that day!
Fortunately, Tiny the Serpent Slayer came to the rescue!!! Finally, he is showing his natural instinct as a hunting dog.
That day, I walked out into the living room and then I saw a long thinggy on the floor from afar. Initially, I thought it was a cloth, but when I got closer, I realised to my horror that it was a bloody huge python!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!
I screamed! "TINYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!"
And Tiny went "Woof Woof!" and came running out of the room to answer my distress call.
Tiny saw the slithering serpent on the floor as it waited for the right moment to strike. But, brave ole Tiny struck first!!!
Tiny dived headlong into the leviathan creature and bit it!!!!
BRAVE TINY!!! I tried to restrain him and hold him back, but he was too fast for me. He took a few tiny steps forward and took a big bite into its leathery reptilian skin.
Tiny looked so small compared to the Brobdingnagian serpent which started to coil itself around Tiny.
Tiny looked like he was in grave danger!
The serpent spun around Tiny and opened its gargantuan mouth, and tried to bite Tiny in the neck!!
But Tiny is a better fighter. As soon as the serpent was about to sink its fangs into Tiny, Tiny ducked to the left and the serpent missed! And it bit itself!
What great reflexes Tiny!
The serpent hissed in pain.
But it recovered quickly and counter-attacked!
The serpent whipped its tail at Tiny and kept him busy, while it arched its malleable body the and tried to launch an attack from the rear!
But once again, Tiny got the better of it. As the serpent moved in to take a chomp at Tiny's ass, Tiny spun around and took the serpent by surprise...
Tiny bit the serpents tongue!!!
The serpent struggled in pain to break free but in vain. Tiny clung on to its tongue and refused to let go no matter how much the serpent writhed.
After a long tussle, Tiny finally let go and the serpent retreated in pain. But Tiny took the opportunity to deal his finishing blow. It pounced on the serpent and sunk its teeth into its neck!
With a whirlwind twist, Tiny broke the serpent's neck (I know snake's don't have a neck to break, but just take it as such la).
The serpent was finally slayed.
And Tiny stood proudly beside its defeated intruder and gleamed at me.
There you have him, Tiny, the Serpent Slayer!!
*applause*
.
.
.
.
A few minutes later, Tiny pees on the carpet...
Mingmong: "TINYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
There you have him, Mingmong, Pee and Shit cleaner.
*
Brought Tiny to the vet over the weekend for his vaccination, and I saw this litter of 4 Husky pups! So cute!!!!! And so well behaved unlike my Tiny. They all sat quietly on the bench and waited for their turn.
Think you can only see 3 here cos the other is in the laundry bag.
*
So as expected, work is tiring me out each day and Tiny doesn't help much by waking me up in the middle of the night.
But when I said I love my company, I do mean I love it!
Here's a few materialistic reasons why...
1) First day I went to office, they brought us to see the wonderful pantries. Great coffee maker they had. Good snacks and chocolates. Fridge of coke, ribena, milo, nescafe, green tea etc. All my kinda drinks. Then in the other fridge, fruits, fruit juice, milk, etc. Then best of all, in the freezer, MAGNUM AND CORNETTO! MAGNUM...omg... all time favourite ice-cream.
2) They so generously gave me a new handphone and corporate line and an Amex.
3) Every other week, they call in a masseuse for foot and shoulder massage. WTF! And as if the chairs weren't comfortable enough.
4) New IBM Thinkpad also just for me.
5) And of course, the fact that I haven't worked that late yet. But I think that will be striked off real soon.
and many more perks la...so shiok. They really know how to make their staff happy. No wonder people stay for 10-20 years. There's a lady who's been with the company for coming 30 years already. Power.
Alrites. Time to sleep.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
He's Tiny, he's toony, he's all a little loony...(tune of Tiny Toons)
I've decided to keep Tiny. He can be a little irritating at times when he gets loony and starts biting everything, my hands and legs included, but he is also so cute at times that its hard to resist keep him.
See...how to resist?!
He's also very toony. Comical at times because of the stupid things it does. Most of the time its because he is so clumsy. For example, he runs after me and there is a step from my room area to the living room. He jumps up but sometimes he jumps too early and his legs trip over the step and he tumbles over. hehe. He just loves to trip over himself. As he is still young, I guess he still hasn't got the hang of braking. So he runs and then sometimes he can't brake in time, he bangs into something, or when he makes a turn around a corner, he skids and falls. haha.
There was once, it chased me around the sofa. Beside me sofa there is a bean bag. And as I went around the corner of the sofa, he followed hot on my heels and he couldn't brake, so he crashed into the bean bag head first. haha. But at other times he isn't so lucky to have a soft cushion to crash into. I wonder if he keeps hitting his head against things, or falling on his head, he will become dumb.
It loves to bite everything. Newspapers, wires, me, etc. It found a new toy yesterday. The door stop. It will go pick it up and walk all the way to the sofa where the carpet is and lie there to bite it. So young know how to relak already, must choose nice place to lie on and bite his toy.
Also, I've been trying to get it to sit before I feed it. And it seems like I have succeeded in doing just that. Now I don't even need to say anything it will automatically sit. So guai!
But then again, the best time is also when it sleeps. Today it fell asleep on me while I was using the comp. But then now it refuses to keep still when I put it on me as I type this. So I just let it run around the room. But every now and then, I have to pull it out from under the bed, or get the wires out of his mouth...etc.
So, I've decided to keep my baby. However, tomorrow is my first day at work. Its gonna be home alone from morning till evening. Poor thing. Just hope its able to keep itself occupied. I leave the radio on for it to listen when I'm not around, so that he hears people's voices.
*
Tomorrow marks the end of my long holiday. Or rather, it marks the end of my LAST long holiday. So sad. Bad thing about my office at Harbour Front is that no one else works there. Raffles Place is much better cos all my frens are around the area, the food there is SHIOK (can eat from a different place for 1 month without eating the same thing even), and the gals are hot too! heh. I think the Harbour Front area only have the market and the food court to eat. Nothing else to do there except go Sentosa. Then must change train at Outram, so mafan. But then again, soon the new clubbing arena will be opening there. Oh well, let's see how my first day goes.
Watched Dim Sum Dollies last night. It was superb. Hilarious to the max. I encourage everyone to go watch it. They just extended the show for another 5 days. So hurry and get all the good seats!
Alrites, time to iron clothes and prepare for tomorrow's big day.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Ok. I suppose I am not such a good writer, and you all are clever people.
This is my baby...
Cute?
I've always wanted to get a dog when I had my own place and all. But somehow, the idea of getting it sooner just popped into my mind recently. So I decided to go to the pet farm to check out the puppies. Little did I expect to see the cutest things in the world. So cute that it just made me want them even more. I always wanted either a Golden Retrieve or a Collie. Ideal situation, I have both. And the Golden pups I saw were just soooo cute. Irresistable. Seeing the real thing certainly swayed my decision to get it now. But, I decided to wait and thinking it over carefully.
I went home, surfed the net for pictures, looked around for people who might be giving away Golden pups, sounded out my parents about the idea of getting a dog though they didn't want one.
Then 3 days later, I happened to have lunch with Xinyi in Pasir Ris, and I suddenly thought about going back to the pet farm to check out the puppies again. This time, I felt even more certain I wanted a dog with the 2nd look at the pups. After going around the Pasir Ris Farmway 2 area and checking out the farms there, I still decided to go home and think about it. But, as we left, I suddenly thought about just getting it then since I was already there. Somehow, I convinced myself that now was the best time to get a pup since I still have abt 1 1/2 weeks before I work, so I have time to help it adapt to its new home.
So, I went back to the shop, the guy took the pups out for me to choose, it was so cute, I got it.
Cost me a bomb.
But I was very pleased with my acquisition.
I knew my parents would flip when they saw it. Indeed they did. Didn't really take to the dog.
Then came the cleaning up. Never expected that taking care of a puppy is so tedious. Wakes me up at night when it pees/shits cos I am a light sleeper. After meals, it has a peeing spree. It can pee up to 8-10 times in 2 hours. I can just clean up one spot, then I find it peeing again.
The only time I am free is when it sleeps.
Yes, it is super cute, but its also capable of driving me up the wall sometimes.
Another funny thing abt Tiny is that I got him on Friday. I didn't realise the significance of that day until I was told Friday was the first day of the 7th month. Ha. Fancy buying a dog on such a day. You know how people say that dogs can see things. Maybe I should have called him The Eye or something. Or Sixth Sense. Or Zhong Kui. Ha.
Anyway, on a lighter note, this is quite amusing...
http://search.yahoo.com/search?p=singapore%20girl%20photo%20bikini%20ntu%20nus%20jc&ei=UTF-8&fr=FP-tab-web-t&fl=0&x=wrt
Some TK was looking for "Singapore girl photo bikini ntu nus jc". Nothing too amusing anymore now that I constantly see such searches on my statcounter. But then, I noticed something familiar on this search. I saw the phrase "My paper heart". I thought it sounded really familiar. Then I looked at the URL, and OMG! Its Pingpong's blog! hahahahaha. Pingpong, I guess you're also listed as a porn site by yahoo. Ha.
Tiny is sick with diarrhoea. Jialat. Been cleaning tons of shit for the past 2 days. Gonna bring it to the vet later. I think this is karma. I made fun of shit last week, this week I am actually coming up close and personal with shit itself. And now with Tiny's dirrhoea, I see it, smell it, feel it countless times a day. Fortunately, I don't taste it.
I was cleaning up after Tiny a couple of days ago after it had its dinner. I still hadn't had mine. So I walked past the dining table where my parents and bro were eating happily, while I was sweaty and dirty. So when I walked by, I saw what they were eating.....
Great. Beef stew. My mom has been in the mood for beef stew the past few weeks. So there I was cleaning up Tiny's stew, then later I had to eat my beef stew.
So I saw them eating heartily as I walked by to the back to throw Tiny's shit away. I looked at the food and said, "Hmmm, that looks like what I have in the newspaper."
Muahahaha.
Of course I still ate it later on.
Yesterday, my mom said she will stop cooking beef stew for cos she doesn't think I will be that interested in having it for now. I think she is right.
Now I know why people think shit is gross. Looking at your own shit is ok. But looking, smelling, picking up someone else's shit is just gross. Esp, if its in semi-solid/liquid form.
Oh yes, a new description for the semi-solid/liquid form is "Pudding". So when you see chocolate pudding...you will remember this very entry. Ha.
Ok, off to the vet. Just hope he doesn't do it in the car. Sian.
Monday, August 08, 2005
Dear friends, I urge you to always think with your head before you act. People seldom heed this warning until its too late. One moment they are free to enjoy themselves, the next moment, you're holding a baby in your arms. Having a baby is no joke. It requires you to spend most of your time with it, watching over it, cleaning its pee/shit, waking up in the middle of the night when it wakes up, feed it at fixed timings, bathe it...etc. Basically, it changes your life and your life will practically revolve around it.
Often, visual pleasure causes us to do things at a moment when our senses are highly charged. I call this fatal attraction. Because of temptation that attraction brings you, you will indulge in that which people say is what Man sometimes love the most. I would say it is even Man's best friend. ;) However, you will realise that you have paid a heavy price and maybe you should have stopped for a while before you plunged into that act. But then again, I now understand how hard it feels to abstain and pull yourself away once you've entered a place, which just numbs your mind and lets your senses lead the way, to an unexpected, long term commitment with a baby.
I am now speaking from experience. I regret to say that I might not be able to blog as often as before. Initially, I thought that starting work would be a life changing moment. But now, 1 week before I start work, my life has changed beyond my wildest expectations.
On Friday, I became a father of a baby boy.
This is why I am writing this to warn everyone. Think, before you do something that you might live to regret. Think, before you enter a place you know will just make you go weak in the knees. And even if you are intending to have a baby, think, and research, so that you know what it takes to be a parent of a child.
I always pictured myself having 3 kids. I never imagined having a baby could be this difficult. I think I just didn't realise how much commitment, patience and effort it takes to raise a child and provide it with all that it needs. Now I know.
Now, I spend most of my waking hours cleaning my baby. Each time it pees/shits, I have to clean up the mess. I think I have done more cleaning in the past few days than I had all my life. I have to wake up early every morning to feed it, when I used wake up anytime I want. I cannot sleep late anymore because I am so tired after looking after my baby that I need to sleep once it goes to sleep. Also, because if I don't sleep, I won't get enough sleep as it wakes me up in the middle of the night too. I cannot go out because I cannot leave him alone at home. I can't pass on the burden to my family because I am responsible for it after all. But even when I did go out for a while, my mind was on him all the time, worrying if he is alright, worrying about everything, such that I will be so bothered by it, I will just go home as fast as I can. I have rejected pple asking me out since then because I prefer to be at home with my baby.
In contrast, although I love my baby, and it is irresistably cute, he does get on my nerves sometimes. All that cleaning, when I am tired, hot, sweaty, sleepy...etc, makes me irritable. I initially thought of putting him up for adoption, because i didn't know what to do with it. I was going to work in a week, I wouldn't be home to take care of it, my parents work too, my sis and brother have school, there would be no one to take care of him. And when I was tired and cleaning up so much, I just wanted to give up.
But then, it is my baby, how can I give it away just like that. But then, what if I don't give it enough care and it suffers in my hands? I am really between the devil and the deep blue sea.
Even now, I am typing this with the little time I have while it is asleep, the only free time I have now. I didn't even have time to turn on my computer the whole of yesterday. Thus, I guess I wouldn't be blogging much anymore in future, unless I am lucky to have time, in addition to my work.
Therefore, I once again urge all of you, to think properly before you act. You might not be ready to be in my shoes. Especially if you are young. Neither might your parents be that supportive of your baby.
Yes, you may be tempted when you see/hear friends doing it, but that doesn't mean you must do it. Wait. Till you are mentally, financially, emotionally ready, to commit to a living being.
Remember, it is a life we are talking about.
And it changes the way you live. Trust me on that.
