Tuesday, August 23, 2005
A huge snake came into my house that day!
Fortunately, Tiny the Serpent Slayer came to the rescue!!! Finally, he is showing his natural instinct as a hunting dog.
That day, I walked out into the living room and then I saw a long thinggy on the floor from afar. Initially, I thought it was a cloth, but when I got closer, I realised to my horror that it was a bloody huge python!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!
I screamed! "TINYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!"
And Tiny went "Woof Woof!" and came running out of the room to answer my distress call.
Tiny saw the slithering serpent on the floor as it waited for the right moment to strike. But, brave ole Tiny struck first!!!
Tiny dived headlong into the leviathan creature and bit it!!!!
BRAVE TINY!!! I tried to restrain him and hold him back, but he was too fast for me. He took a few tiny steps forward and took a big bite into its leathery reptilian skin.
Tiny looked so small compared to the Brobdingnagian serpent which started to coil itself around Tiny.
Tiny looked like he was in grave danger!
The serpent spun around Tiny and opened its gargantuan mouth, and tried to bite Tiny in the neck!!
But Tiny is a better fighter. As soon as the serpent was about to sink its fangs into Tiny, Tiny ducked to the left and the serpent missed! And it bit itself!
What great reflexes Tiny!
The serpent hissed in pain.
But it recovered quickly and counter-attacked!
The serpent whipped its tail at Tiny and kept him busy, while it arched its malleable body the and tried to launch an attack from the rear!
But once again, Tiny got the better of it. As the serpent moved in to take a chomp at Tiny's ass, Tiny spun around and took the serpent by surprise...
Tiny bit the serpents tongue!!!
The serpent struggled in pain to break free but in vain. Tiny clung on to its tongue and refused to let go no matter how much the serpent writhed.
After a long tussle, Tiny finally let go and the serpent retreated in pain. But Tiny took the opportunity to deal his finishing blow. It pounced on the serpent and sunk its teeth into its neck!
With a whirlwind twist, Tiny broke the serpent's neck (I know snake's don't have a neck to break, but just take it as such la).
The serpent was finally slayed.
And Tiny stood proudly beside its defeated intruder and gleamed at me.
There you have him, Tiny, the Serpent Slayer!!
*applause*
.
.
.
.
A few minutes later, Tiny pees on the carpet...
Mingmong: "TINYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
There you have him, Mingmong, Pee and Shit cleaner.
*
Brought Tiny to the vet over the weekend for his vaccination, and I saw this litter of 4 Husky pups! So cute!!!!! And so well behaved unlike my Tiny. They all sat quietly on the bench and waited for their turn.
Think you can only see 3 here cos the other is in the laundry bag.
*
So as expected, work is tiring me out each day and Tiny doesn't help much by waking me up in the middle of the night.
But when I said I love my company, I do mean I love it!
Here's a few materialistic reasons why...
1) First day I went to office, they brought us to see the wonderful pantries. Great coffee maker they had. Good snacks and chocolates. Fridge of coke, ribena, milo, nescafe, green tea etc. All my kinda drinks. Then in the other fridge, fruits, fruit juice, milk, etc. Then best of all, in the freezer, MAGNUM AND CORNETTO! MAGNUM...omg... all time favourite ice-cream.
2) They so generously gave me a new handphone and corporate line and an Amex.
3) Every other week, they call in a masseuse for foot and shoulder massage. WTF! And as if the chairs weren't comfortable enough.
4) New IBM Thinkpad also just for me.
5) And of course, the fact that I haven't worked that late yet. But I think that will be striked off real soon.
and many more perks la...so shiok. They really know how to make their staff happy. No wonder people stay for 10-20 years. There's a lady who's been with the company for coming 30 years already. Power.
Alrites. Time to sleep.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
He's Tiny, he's toony, he's all a little loony...(tune of Tiny Toons)
I've decided to keep Tiny. He can be a little irritating at times when he gets loony and starts biting everything, my hands and legs included, but he is also so cute at times that its hard to resist keep him.
See...how to resist?!
He's also very toony. Comical at times because of the stupid things it does. Most of the time its because he is so clumsy. For example, he runs after me and there is a step from my room area to the living room. He jumps up but sometimes he jumps too early and his legs trip over the step and he tumbles over. hehe. He just loves to trip over himself. As he is still young, I guess he still hasn't got the hang of braking. So he runs and then sometimes he can't brake in time, he bangs into something, or when he makes a turn around a corner, he skids and falls. haha.
There was once, it chased me around the sofa. Beside me sofa there is a bean bag. And as I went around the corner of the sofa, he followed hot on my heels and he couldn't brake, so he crashed into the bean bag head first. haha. But at other times he isn't so lucky to have a soft cushion to crash into. I wonder if he keeps hitting his head against things, or falling on his head, he will become dumb.
It loves to bite everything. Newspapers, wires, me, etc. It found a new toy yesterday. The door stop. It will go pick it up and walk all the way to the sofa where the carpet is and lie there to bite it. So young know how to relak already, must choose nice place to lie on and bite his toy.
Also, I've been trying to get it to sit before I feed it. And it seems like I have succeeded in doing just that. Now I don't even need to say anything it will automatically sit. So guai!
But then again, the best time is also when it sleeps. Today it fell asleep on me while I was using the comp. But then now it refuses to keep still when I put it on me as I type this. So I just let it run around the room. But every now and then, I have to pull it out from under the bed, or get the wires out of his mouth...etc.
So, I've decided to keep my baby. However, tomorrow is my first day at work. Its gonna be home alone from morning till evening. Poor thing. Just hope its able to keep itself occupied. I leave the radio on for it to listen when I'm not around, so that he hears people's voices.
*
Tomorrow marks the end of my long holiday. Or rather, it marks the end of my LAST long holiday. So sad. Bad thing about my office at Harbour Front is that no one else works there. Raffles Place is much better cos all my frens are around the area, the food there is SHIOK (can eat from a different place for 1 month without eating the same thing even), and the gals are hot too! heh. I think the Harbour Front area only have the market and the food court to eat. Nothing else to do there except go Sentosa. Then must change train at Outram, so mafan. But then again, soon the new clubbing arena will be opening there. Oh well, let's see how my first day goes.
Watched Dim Sum Dollies last night. It was superb. Hilarious to the max. I encourage everyone to go watch it. They just extended the show for another 5 days. So hurry and get all the good seats!
Alrites, time to iron clothes and prepare for tomorrow's big day.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Ok. I suppose I am not such a good writer, and you all are clever people.
This is my baby...
Cute?
I've always wanted to get a dog when I had my own place and all. But somehow, the idea of getting it sooner just popped into my mind recently. So I decided to go to the pet farm to check out the puppies. Little did I expect to see the cutest things in the world. So cute that it just made me want them even more. I always wanted either a Golden Retrieve or a Collie. Ideal situation, I have both. And the Golden pups I saw were just soooo cute. Irresistable. Seeing the real thing certainly swayed my decision to get it now. But, I decided to wait and thinking it over carefully.
I went home, surfed the net for pictures, looked around for people who might be giving away Golden pups, sounded out my parents about the idea of getting a dog though they didn't want one.
Then 3 days later, I happened to have lunch with Xinyi in Pasir Ris, and I suddenly thought about going back to the pet farm to check out the puppies again. This time, I felt even more certain I wanted a dog with the 2nd look at the pups. After going around the Pasir Ris Farmway 2 area and checking out the farms there, I still decided to go home and think about it. But, as we left, I suddenly thought about just getting it then since I was already there. Somehow, I convinced myself that now was the best time to get a pup since I still have abt 1 1/2 weeks before I work, so I have time to help it adapt to its new home.
So, I went back to the shop, the guy took the pups out for me to choose, it was so cute, I got it.
Cost me a bomb.
But I was very pleased with my acquisition.
I knew my parents would flip when they saw it. Indeed they did. Didn't really take to the dog.
Then came the cleaning up. Never expected that taking care of a puppy is so tedious. Wakes me up at night when it pees/shits cos I am a light sleeper. After meals, it has a peeing spree. It can pee up to 8-10 times in 2 hours. I can just clean up one spot, then I find it peeing again.
The only time I am free is when it sleeps.
Yes, it is super cute, but its also capable of driving me up the wall sometimes.
Another funny thing abt Tiny is that I got him on Friday. I didn't realise the significance of that day until I was told Friday was the first day of the 7th month. Ha. Fancy buying a dog on such a day. You know how people say that dogs can see things. Maybe I should have called him The Eye or something. Or Sixth Sense. Or Zhong Kui. Ha.
Anyway, on a lighter note, this is quite amusing...
http://search.yahoo.com/search?p=singapore%20girl%20photo%20bikini%20ntu%20nus%20jc&ei=UTF-8&fr=FP-tab-web-t&fl=0&x=wrt
Some TK was looking for "Singapore girl photo bikini ntu nus jc". Nothing too amusing anymore now that I constantly see such searches on my statcounter. But then, I noticed something familiar on this search. I saw the phrase "My paper heart". I thought it sounded really familiar. Then I looked at the URL, and OMG! Its Pingpong's blog! hahahahaha. Pingpong, I guess you're also listed as a porn site by yahoo. Ha.
Tiny is sick with diarrhoea. Jialat. Been cleaning tons of shit for the past 2 days. Gonna bring it to the vet later. I think this is karma. I made fun of shit last week, this week I am actually coming up close and personal with shit itself. And now with Tiny's dirrhoea, I see it, smell it, feel it countless times a day. Fortunately, I don't taste it.
I was cleaning up after Tiny a couple of days ago after it had its dinner. I still hadn't had mine. So I walked past the dining table where my parents and bro were eating happily, while I was sweaty and dirty. So when I walked by, I saw what they were eating.....
Great. Beef stew. My mom has been in the mood for beef stew the past few weeks. So there I was cleaning up Tiny's stew, then later I had to eat my beef stew.
So I saw them eating heartily as I walked by to the back to throw Tiny's shit away. I looked at the food and said, "Hmmm, that looks like what I have in the newspaper."
Muahahaha.
Of course I still ate it later on.
Yesterday, my mom said she will stop cooking beef stew for cos she doesn't think I will be that interested in having it for now. I think she is right.
Now I know why people think shit is gross. Looking at your own shit is ok. But looking, smelling, picking up someone else's shit is just gross. Esp, if its in semi-solid/liquid form.
Oh yes, a new description for the semi-solid/liquid form is "Pudding". So when you see chocolate pudding...you will remember this very entry. Ha.
Ok, off to the vet. Just hope he doesn't do it in the car. Sian.
Monday, August 08, 2005
Dear friends, I urge you to always think with your head before you act. People seldom heed this warning until its too late. One moment they are free to enjoy themselves, the next moment, you're holding a baby in your arms. Having a baby is no joke. It requires you to spend most of your time with it, watching over it, cleaning its pee/shit, waking up in the middle of the night when it wakes up, feed it at fixed timings, bathe it...etc. Basically, it changes your life and your life will practically revolve around it.
Often, visual pleasure causes us to do things at a moment when our senses are highly charged. I call this fatal attraction. Because of temptation that attraction brings you, you will indulge in that which people say is what Man sometimes love the most. I would say it is even Man's best friend. ;) However, you will realise that you have paid a heavy price and maybe you should have stopped for a while before you plunged into that act. But then again, I now understand how hard it feels to abstain and pull yourself away once you've entered a place, which just numbs your mind and lets your senses lead the way, to an unexpected, long term commitment with a baby.
I am now speaking from experience. I regret to say that I might not be able to blog as often as before. Initially, I thought that starting work would be a life changing moment. But now, 1 week before I start work, my life has changed beyond my wildest expectations.
On Friday, I became a father of a baby boy.
This is why I am writing this to warn everyone. Think, before you do something that you might live to regret. Think, before you enter a place you know will just make you go weak in the knees. And even if you are intending to have a baby, think, and research, so that you know what it takes to be a parent of a child.
I always pictured myself having 3 kids. I never imagined having a baby could be this difficult. I think I just didn't realise how much commitment, patience and effort it takes to raise a child and provide it with all that it needs. Now I know.
Now, I spend most of my waking hours cleaning my baby. Each time it pees/shits, I have to clean up the mess. I think I have done more cleaning in the past few days than I had all my life. I have to wake up early every morning to feed it, when I used wake up anytime I want. I cannot sleep late anymore because I am so tired after looking after my baby that I need to sleep once it goes to sleep. Also, because if I don't sleep, I won't get enough sleep as it wakes me up in the middle of the night too. I cannot go out because I cannot leave him alone at home. I can't pass on the burden to my family because I am responsible for it after all. But even when I did go out for a while, my mind was on him all the time, worrying if he is alright, worrying about everything, such that I will be so bothered by it, I will just go home as fast as I can. I have rejected pple asking me out since then because I prefer to be at home with my baby.
In contrast, although I love my baby, and it is irresistably cute, he does get on my nerves sometimes. All that cleaning, when I am tired, hot, sweaty, sleepy...etc, makes me irritable. I initially thought of putting him up for adoption, because i didn't know what to do with it. I was going to work in a week, I wouldn't be home to take care of it, my parents work too, my sis and brother have school, there would be no one to take care of him. And when I was tired and cleaning up so much, I just wanted to give up.
But then, it is my baby, how can I give it away just like that. But then, what if I don't give it enough care and it suffers in my hands? I am really between the devil and the deep blue sea.
Even now, I am typing this with the little time I have while it is asleep, the only free time I have now. I didn't even have time to turn on my computer the whole of yesterday. Thus, I guess I wouldn't be blogging much anymore in future, unless I am lucky to have time, in addition to my work.
Therefore, I once again urge all of you, to think properly before you act. You might not be ready to be in my shoes. Especially if you are young. Neither might your parents be that supportive of your baby.
Yes, you may be tempted when you see/hear friends doing it, but that doesn't mean you must do it. Wait. Till you are mentally, financially, emotionally ready, to commit to a living being.
Remember, it is a life we are talking about.
And it changes the way you live. Trust me on that.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Anyway, I just realised I could draw my own pictures for my MSN pics using Paint.
The MSN pic I drew for myself was...
Then I decided to do what I'm best at...
This is my specialty drawing, ever since secondary school...
My cow.
Notice that the cow is shitting.
No, I am not obsessed with shit.
I call this painting "The Cow". I imagine this to be a famous painting in 100 years, where it will be hung in the Lourve and it will have a small passage explaining my painting to the public...
"This is one of Mingmong's most famous paintings. His trademark cow appears in this idyllic setting of nature where the cow seems to be enjoying the marvels of its lush habitat. A pink flower lies to the left of the cow, symbolising the goodness and beauty of Mother nature. However, a pile of shit lies to the right of the cow in a bed of mud, a blotch in this otherwise perfect scene, symbolising that the imperfections in this world. A butterfly flies around the flower, while flies can be seen around the shit. This signifies that in this world of good and evil, there are always those who are attracted to the good and those who thrive on evil. Also evident in his painting, Mingmong tells us that there is more good in this world than evil as shown by the proportion of the painting that the shit occupies.
However, neo-mingmongian aficionados have a different perspective of this painting. They feel that this painting signifies that evil will exist in this world despite the majority of it being good. That evil exists as a balance to the otherwise perfect world. Also, they feel that flies were chosen because they thrive on the shit and they spread the bacteria to people when they land on their food, signifying that the evil ones will always try to spread their evil and the ease with which people are led astray. In contrast, the butterfly does not spread the goodness of the flower to people, signifying how it is more difficult for goodness to be passed on to one another.
In stark contrast to the above mentioned interpretations of Mingmong's famous painting, extreme perspectives have also been offered. For example, Scatologist say that Mingmong's painting depicts the fundamentals of Scatology: You shit what you eat. The cow eats the grass, and it shits it out. Also, it relates the interesting cyclical relationship of shit and food. The cow eats the grass and shits it out. The shit fertilises the ground and grass will grow. The cow then eats the grass and the vicious cycle continues. Simply put, you eat shit and you shit what you eat.
Another extreme viewpoint was offered by the International Cooking Council. They felt that Mingmong painted the cow as his trademark because he loved eating beef stew.
Finally, the most absurd interpretation ever heard was by the Mingmong Fan Club, founded in 2005. They claim that when Mingmong first put his famous painting up for public viewing, he had told them on his personal webspace, the Mingmongster, that this painting is was painted because he wanted to help his Shitology students remember his theories of making shit better. The message of this painting to his students was simple...
When you think of shit, think beef stew.
Thus the shit and the cow together in the picture.
The musuem strongly denounces such an absurd interpretation and firmly believes in the first interpretation."
I wonder, do those arty people actually know what they are talking about when they try and interpret art? The Mona Lisa could just be a courtesy campaign painting that Leonardo drew in the past, to remind people to "SMILE more".
Cow.
Kaoz.
I had a really funny adventure yesterday!! Here's what happened...
I was in Orchard yesterday walking around to kill some time before I went home. Its one of those times where you come out early in the day for a while then feel sian to go home cos its so early, so must walk walk a bit jus for the sake of it. So I had some lunch and I decided to go to the Wisma basement toilet to wash my mouth, cos when you have braces on, eating is just such a chore with the food getting stuck in your teeth. This was when my day became so much more fun than I expected it to be...
I went into the toilet and was trying to get this small bit of lunch out from between my teeth. There was this guy beside me who was washing his hands. He was middle-aged, chubby, and Chinaman looking. Then as I was looking into the mirror at my teeth, I saw him giving me a weird look. But I thought he was wondering what I was doing with my teeth, so I thought nothing about it. Then he went into one of the cubicles. Sounded like he was taking some toilet paper or smtg. Oh there were other people in the toilet as well. Then he came back to the sink area and washed his hands again, and again giving me a look. Then, he went to the urinals behind. I was thinking to myself, "why the hell does anyone wash his hands twice before he pees?!". I mean, wash once, ok la, maybe he just ate so his hands dirty then din wanna dirty his ****, but then, wash twice!? Ok maybe his hands were REALLY dirty.
So I was still trying to get this stubborn piece of bread out from between my teeth. Then he emerged from the urinal area and came and wash his hands again. I was expecting him to go off after that, but...he didn't! Instead, he went back to one of the cubicles again. At the same time, I was done with me teeth, so I walked over to the cubicles to pee, then as I approached an empty one, the dude saw me and he went back into the cubicle. So as I peed, I decided that he was one of the tee ko uncles who stick around the guys toilets to check out the guys. Yes, there are such perverts in the guys' toilets. Seen many before. How do I know? Well, if an uncle stands at the urinal for damn long and when you go beside him, he doesn't follow the urinal rule of "look straight ahead only" and he looks in your direction and down. Then, sometimes, you might notice some excessive movement.
Ok, so I come out of the cubicle, wash my hands and didn't bother about the tee ko Chinaman since I was going to go. So I left. As I walked past the Wisma Giordano, I happened to turn around to look behind, then I saw the Tee Ko Chinaman (from now on shall be just called TKC) coming out from the toilet. So, I just continued walking on and decided to head upstairs to maybe check out Topshop. So when I went up one level, walked by the Sistic counter, and began up the next escalator, I saw TKC again. I just thought, "typical Chinaman face". Then I continued up the escalator and turned right towards Topshop. (ok, i am gonna be really detailed in my walking path, and I am expecting everyone to be familiar with town that you can picture what I'm talking about.)
Then I just walked slowly, somehow, half expecting to see the TKC behind me. As I approached the bend at the entrance of Topshop, I stole a glance to the rear. I saw TKC! He stopped and seemed to pretend to be looking at the shop just after the escalator. Then I thought to myself, "SHIT, he's following me! Cos he definitely looked like he saw me turn to look and he stopped in his tracks and pretended to be looking at stuff at the shop in front of him. But, if you know Wisma well enough, what do you see when you walk from the escalator to Topshop? On the right, its a woman's boutique, and the leftside in front of you, its the new lingerie shop. So why the hell was he stopping to look into a shop that's not for guys!?
So I contemplated going into Topshop to see if he followed me in, but I decided to give it a miss and walk on and make a "U-turn" back to the escalator. Then as I reached the escalator, TKC wasn't there anymore. Then I looked behind me, I saw TKC walking past Topshop and coming in my direction! Ha. Seems like I outsmarted him. So obviously he was following me. Why would anyone walk one big round for nothing. He definitely didn't look like someone who would shop in Topshop (he wore white polo tee and jeans, tucked in). So I went up the escalator. As I reached the top, I turned right at the Nike shop and looked down the escalator. TKC was coming up too! So I decided to go into Flash and Splash. I went in, went to the sandals section where there the glass panels were not obstructed, and waited. TKC walked by. He seemed to notice me inside. He carried on walking.
So I spent a few minutes inside, just "browsing" around. Then I made my exit, looked around, TKC was not in sight. So I thought maybe he gave up cos he might have realised that I knew he was following me. TKC seemed experienced in tailing people. He kept a very good distance from his target. So I thought, ok that's the end. I walked towards Isetan, then I saw the toilet and decided to go give my mouth another rinse. So I rinsed my mouth, took about 3 minutes or so. Then as I was about to walk out, TKC WALKED IN!!!!!!!
From then on, it was 100% obvious he was following me. Who the hell goes to the toilet 2 times in 5 minutes (besides me of course, but I was rinsing my mouth). As he walked past me, he gave me a look again. And the thing is, the kinda look he gives is not the tee-ko look, or psychotic look, or perverted look. Its just a look. Dunno how to describe it.
So I walked out of the toilet, walked past coffee club express, past tannlines, past the lift, then I turned back and I saw TKC. Obviously he didn't go to the toilet to pee cos he was out so fast. Then I went down the escalator. As I went down, I looked from the corner of my eye, and I saw him standing at the lift, pretending to wait for the lift, but he was looking in my direction. Smart guy I must say. Totally like a pro stalker. But, I was smarter. Ha.
So I got down to level 1 from level 3. I got off the escalator turned to the Sistic counter and I saw the lift coming down. As you know, Wisma has glass lifts. So I looked and I didn't see TKC. SO I knew he was definitely gonna come down by the escalators, since he was following me. Then suddenly, I had a thought, why not I take a photo of him?! And the best time would be to catch him on the escalator as he was coming down! So I whipped out my handphone, waited a few seconds, then I went back up the escalator. Just nice, TKC was coming down. I held my handphone up, trying hard to pretend I was smsing. But, TKC seemed to know what I was thinking. He then turned and face the other direction! Meaning, he was going down, I was going up, he turned such that his back faced me and he was kinda like shielding his face from me. I was like "SHIT!" then as I went by him, I tried to take his face, but he turned as he went by me and faced the front! DAMMIT!
So this is all I got of him!
Highly irritated that I couldn't get a good shot, I was determined to get another! Haha. So I hurried back down the escalator. I saw TKC taking a few looks to his rear, obviously trying to see where I was, and he looked worried. And he walked briskly in the direction of Isetan, past G2000. So I saw him, and now it was time for me to turn the tables and give him his own medicine. Now I was the PREDATOR, and TKC was the prey. Muahahahaha.
So I hurried along, following him at a distance. TKC was smart too. Once he reached Isetan he continued on and didn't go in, making that "U-turn" like I did at Topshop. Then as I came out from the bend, he saw me and he walked on. Great, now he knew I was following him. Haha. But who cares! So I followed. He went down to the basement and walked towards Taka. I followed, and I could see him easily from a distance. He was relatively tall, and so happened, it wasn't a white day for people. In the crowd, his white polo tee stands out. Also, I am tall. Hahaha.
So walked quickly along the Wisma underpass to Taka, trying not to lose sight of him (he was surprisingly cool, didn't run, just walked briskly). Then, I was stopped in my tracks! I met Gerald, AC friend and we talked for a minute. Then when we said our byes, I looked ahead and he was gone! I ran forward and decided to try the route up to Levis instead of down to Mos Burger area. Heng ah! I saw the white polo tee again. This time he was in front of British India. Looked like he was half checking to see where I was, and deciding which way to go. Not sure if he knows his way around Taka, seemed like he didn't. Ha. So he decided to go up another level. He went to the escalators at Guess. The way up was from Zara, so as he made his way to the far side at Zara, I waited at the near side along the railings. Stood at the corner and waited, handphone in hand. Then he went up the escalator, looking around. Think he didn't see me. So I got this shot, though not close up again.
Seemed like he was looking to see if I followed behind him. I took this picture, and ran to the escalator to follow him up. When I got up to the escalator landing, I looked around, and saw him walking towards the Taka departmental store/Hugo boss area. So I followed. Then he turned left suddenly and exited the building! I looked through the glass door and saw him walking along the outside of the building. So another thought came to my mind. I ran forward on the inside of the building to the next entrance. All Taka entrances are glass doors as you all know. So I got my phone ready as I ran to the next entrance, wanting to picture him as he walked past the door. But as I reached the door, he too, turned to walk back in. I got a shock when I turned and saw him then I couldn't pull off a shot. SHIT.
He saw me, and gave me a worried look, then he hurried to the central escalators at Hugo Boss and went up. I followed. I wanted his mug shot bad.
Again, as I was going up the escalator, I saw an NTU friend going down the otherside and I said my hellos and all. Then when I turned back, I couldn't find TKC. Didn't know if he went into Takashimaya or he turned the other direction. I decided that unless he ran, I would be able to see him if he went into Takashimaya. So I turned the otherway and didn't see him around Tiffany's either. So I looked outside at the taxi stand place. I saw him walking away. Fast! And he was checking his back frantically.
So I went out, took my phone and took a picture. Too far!
So I zoomed, but, too blur!!! So I deleted the picture and tried again.
But then this time, he crossed the road...
then I thought to myself, "aiya, no air-con, so hot. don't want to chase already la."
So I didn't go after him.
That's the end of my little adventure. And this is for real! I didn't just randomly take a few photos of this guy to cook up a story. Though the pictures look like it. Ha. Hope I see him again. This time, I won't let him off so easily. Hehe.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Warning: Do not proceed further if you have coprophobia/fecophobia!
I was just chatting on MSN just now and I needed to pang sai. So I had to tell my friends to wait. However, they didn't seem to appreciate that much detail. For example...
Mingmong: Eh, I need to go and pang sai.
Friend: You can just tell me to wait.
Mingmong: Orh. Ok. Wait...I need to go pang sai
Friend: Why you and XXX the same! Must tell me when you go pang sai! I don't need to know!
Mingmong: Orh...Sorry. Next time I won't tell you if I need to pang sai.
Mingmong: But now I really need to go and pang sai!
Friend: Just go!!!
After I came back from down-loading, I started telling another friend about my Shitology theories. Similarly, she too was grossed out.
Another friend (girl) also gets really irked whenever I mention shit in our conversation. It seems as though something that comes out of you everyday (almost) is a taboo. However, it seems that only girls are disgusted by it. If I were to tell my guy friends that I need to pang sai, they will just take it as it is. In fact, my guy friends love to go shit together even. Like when a girl wants to go to the toilet, she'll ask her galfrens, "anyone wants to go to the ladies?". Guys don't bother asking when they need to pee, but if its the big one, then they'll go, "eh, anyone want to shit?".
Therefore, I think there is a area where further research can be done in Scatology, on explaining the abhorrence girls have towards scat. But for now, let Professor Minggy Mongka, doctorate in Shitology (more commonly known as Scatology), and owner of his own chocolate cake factory, teach you the basics you will need to pass have a minor in Shitology.
To be able to pass Shitology 101, you will need to answer these simple questions...
1) How is shit made?
2) Why is shit brown?
3) Why does shit smell?
4) What are the 3 states of matter that shit exists in?
To make all these facts easy to remember, we must first imagine the process of cooking beef stew.
First, we need to chop up the ingredients which is beef, carrots, celery, onions, etc. Similarly, to make shit, we also need ingredients. For shit, we are not so fussy about the ingredients. Anything goes! Which is why it is so simple to make! So we chop up the ingredients by putting it in our mouths and chewing. Then, we marinate the ingredients with a special sauce, saliva.
Then, if you want soft and tender beef in your stew, you will need to massage the meat first! Similarly, we definitely want soft and tender shit coming out of our ass, so we leave the massaging to our oesophagus through the process of peristalsis, where our ingredients are slowly massaged through muscular contractions and further marinated with mucus.
Then, once you are done preparing the ingredients for your beef stew, you dump them all into the crockpot where you mix the ingredients and add water, salt, pepper, thyme, garlic, onions, etc and whatever spices needed. Then leave it to cook for a few hours. Similarly, the ingredients will go into your human crockpot, which is your stomach. There it is mixed and churned together and it is left to cook in there for some time.
Then, sometimes for certain recipes, you can choose to add in some lemon juice and parsley after a while to add a more tangy taste to the stew. Similarly, your stomach automatically throws in something similar to lemon juice too! Just that its a little more acidic, in the form of hydrocholoric acid, and instead of parsley, enzymes are dumped into the stew.
Next, although you just leave the stew in the crockpot to cook for 8-9 hours, making shit is similar, just that you have to imagine the intestines as part of the crockpot too, just a very long crockpot. So after the stomach, the stew slowly passes through the intestines where it continues to cook. The great thing about our special crockpot is that it automatically adds spices/herbs to the stew throughout the cooking process, unlike cooking beef stew where you just dump it all into the crockpot overnight and serve the next day. So, through the intestines, your pancreas, gall bladder, liver etc, all add some salt (bile salts) or other spices like enzymes into the stew.
After cooking for about 6-8 hours, it is finally ready. If you are not ready to eat your beef stew yet, you can leave it in the crockpot to simmer until its time for you meal. Similarly, when you are not ready to shit, it will all go to your rectum where it will be stored temporarily and simmered as well since its inside your body.
When you're hungry and ready to have some stew, just open the crockpot and serve. Similarly, when you're ready to down-load, just open those anal doors and serve.
This is how shit is made! Easy isn't it?
Now, why is it brown and why does it smell? This is simple. Why is your beef stew brown and why does it smell so great? Well, the stew is brown because of the spices or sauces you used, maybe Worschershire sauce? Similarly, shit is brown because of the sauce you used, which is bile, and also the bile salts.
And why does the beef stew smell so good? Common sense tells you that its also because of the herbs/spices you used! But you are forgetting something. It is also because it was cooking in the crock pot for over 8 hours and the smell was just trapped within the crockpot, fermenting the stew with a concentrated and overwhelming fragrance. So once you open the crockpot, the smell will just hit you like how the carbon dioxide rushes out of your coke bottle when you first open it. Similarly, shit has such an overwhelming smell because it has been stored for as long as you refuse to shit. The longer you store, the more fragrant it gets! But of course, the main cause of the smell is the bacteria that's in it.
For the final question, what are the 3 states of matter that shit exists in? Just think of beef stew again. In beef stew, you have the solids (beef), you have the liquid (gravy), and you have the gas (the wonderful fragrance!). Similarly, shit exists in the same way. You have solid shit which is your normal scat if you eat properly, your liquid shit if you eat crap, and your gas shit which is just fart.
However, unlike water, shit can exist in different states together at the same temperature. For example, you can fart (gas) before just before you shit, and then you shit (liquid or solid). You could shit both solid and liquid together. And sometimes, you can even have all 3 at one down-load.
There...isn't Shitology 101 simple? Nothing too taboo or disgusting about it if you can just think of it as beef stew. I hope you've all enjoyed today's lesson!
I know after this lesson, some of you might be more interested in this field of study. However, I would recommend not venturing into the area of Coprophilia/Fecophilia. That is one phenomena which I myself cannot fathom.
Also, although I've heard that the Japanese actually practice Coprophagia, I still prefer to stick to the mainstream Japanese food. It might sound hard to believe, but its true. Alex (who majors in cooking) watched a documentary which featured a restaurant in Japan that actually serves shit. And apparently, it is a delicacy! They have different flavours even! How it works is that you have to pre-order the shit you want to eat, say carrot shit, maybe 1 week in advance. Then they will get their "Chef" to go on a carrot only diet for the rest of the week. And just before you come in, the Chef will prepare his carrot shit just for you. Weird? Its bizarre I say!
Finally, just for those who are interested in Shitology, a more challenging question, or food for thought...
Q: If making shit is akin to making beef stew, what happens if you use beef stew as your ingredient for cooking shit?
Maybe you can think about it over dinner or something...
