Good aunties, bad aunties
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Last Saturday, the day I got piss drunk, on the way home from hall, I stopped by NTUC at Jurong Point to get some wine to bring to my friend's place. I was browsing around the pathetic variety of wine at the wine section was having a hard time deciding what to get. Then I noticed board describing the various types of wine etc. So I took some time to read what they had to say. They mentioned the Cab. Sav., Merlot, Shiraz, Bordeaux, etc.
So there I was, with my earphones in my ears, listening to Michael Jackson's "Beat It" (well, his pedophiliac ways certainly did help create some publicity for him), and getting myself immersed in reading about wines, when I heard a whisper in my ears. I thought it was the music playing tricks on my me. But the next moment I felt a pressence beside me. I looked down from the board and turned to my left. Got taken aback by the sight of a curly brown haired Auntie with luscious red lipstick and heavily powdered face. She was gesturing to her face and saying something which I couldn't quite hear because Michael was saying "just beat it" quite loudly.
I took out my earphones and said "HAR?!".
Auntie who looks like a mamasan says, "Xiao di, ni yao bu yao mai cream lai zhi ni de pimple scar?" (translated in English: Ah boy, do you want to buy cream to cure your pimple scar?)
I stared at her for a moment. I rolled my eyes. Stuffed my earphones back into my ears. Turned to the wine board and gave her the hand sign that says... Beat It!
This is one of the things which gets to me sometimes, and I don't understand why these cosmetic companies actually hire such Aunties to promote their products. Somehow this seems to happen to me a lot. In another recent instance in JP Guardian. I went in just to get myself a face wash. So I was looking around the shelves for the Garnier one I use. Then I was attacked by this Auntie.
Auntie: Xiao di, ni zai zhao se me? (Ah boy, what are you looking for?)
Me: Face wash.
Auntie: Yao bu yao wo jie shao yi ge gei ni? Hen hao de! You xiao xiao li de dong xi zai li mian......(basically, she said why not I introduce you a good one. There's microbeads inside to help you wash away the dirt and blah blah blah. When I asked how much, she said $25. WTH!)
So I just said no thanks, and continued looking. Just as I took 3 steps to the next shelf, I was attacked by another Auntie. This time, the new auntie said (in chinese but I shall translate), "ah boy, you want to try a pimple cream?"
Wah, I couldn't believe the just won't leave me alone. I just need a face wash! I found what I wanted, paid and quickly made my way out of the shop. As I was heading for the exit, I noticed another auntie. She was selling slimming products. I siam-ed to the other side of the exit.
How can anyone sell something when the first thing that comes out of her mouth is a direct shot at your face? I mean, I know I have "a few" pimple scars, but don't need to tell me in the face mah! Wonder if they actually sell any with the marketing skills they have.
On Sunday night, while I was waiting for a bus home, I was at this dark bus stop at Bedok. Was just sitting there waiting for my bus when I noticed a fat cockroach crawling on the floor. It crawled nearer and nearer me. Then it stopped about a meter in front of where I sat. And faced me. I looked at it, and thought to myself, "Fuck off!". Well, I was didn't really expect the cockroach to be able to read human minds. Well, apparently they do. And they listen to what you tell them to do too.
The bloody cockroach opened its wings and flew straight at my face. Luckily I reacted quickly, and I jumped out of my seat. I turned and looked behind and it was no where to be seen. Then, I heard someone call out to me from behind. It was an auntie.
Auntie (whispers as though she's afraid of something) : "Boy, its on your back..."
I froze.
Then I jumped and took a swipe at my back. Felt nothing.
Then came this young and quite pretty girl from behind, used her purse and too a swipe at my back. Felt something crawl up my hair! I didn't dare move. She took another swipe and I saw the cockroach fall to the ground.
I turned around and thanked the pretty lady. Then the auntie who was hiding behind, walked up and said to the girl in awe, "wahh, you not scared ah?"
Actually, there is no point in this post. Just talking crap while waiting for the Bayern-Chelsea match to start, which has started incidentally.
Mingmong _ c r a p p e d _ @ 1:53 AM |
